Polar Ice Caps Dead Ahead!

The Coors "love train" television commercial tried to make us feel cool during one of the hottest summers ever recorded in the U.S. by drinking their beer. An animated Icy Coors train travels at a high rate of speed and smashes through somebody's overly hot party, instantly "cooling it down". Most trains don't go 300 miles an hour, nor are they icy cold, but if one did and it came crashing through my party I doubt I'd be celebrating. But maybe Coors is onto something and perhaps their somewhat implausible but pioneering commercial may have started the next big thing.

A really big chunk of the polar ice caps recently broke away from the Artic. Rather than be an alarmist and claim that Global Warming caused it, lets turn what the Al Gores of the world would call a calamitous event into a situation that actually creates jobs and economic prosperity. This recently departed Ice cap is pretty darn big and has me wondering, can we harness the magnificence of this Ice Cap for economic gain and prosperity?

That's right, I'm talking the Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour! Unlike any other amusement park ever created by humankind, this one would come to you as it floated past your city by the sea! The Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour would feature real life Eskimos, Penguins and Polar Bears in a light-hearted romp as they tell their tale of anguish and woe about living so far away from civilization, and malls. Disney could provide several ice-tastic rides for children of all ages! It will be refreshingly chilly on the Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour so furs could even make a one day comeback. Nagging issues like all the dead animals it takes to make one fur coat would be passe for the day. Ice Hockey and speed skating would do well with the men. In what might be considered the first ever "humane zoo", caged animals would be kept behind icycle bars instead of steel and the animals would have the luxury of seeing the coastline pass on by in the background as they refresh themselves with icicle lattes, what could be more humane than that, besides actually being free? Ice Capades would be another surefire (oops) way to bring families to "The Cap" by the thousands.

Yes, "A Cap is born", "Lets go to the Cap", the next big phrase.

In an effort to promote energy conservation, "people pooling" to the Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour would be the order of the day. Solar Powered Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour Speed Boats would pick up anxiously awaiting crowds for their day at the Cap. To stay true to the environment, only meltable foods would be served, and therein lies the ultimate beauty of this idea. Assuming the Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour eventually melts, nothing will be left behind because it will all have been returned to the sea in a non polluting form! Even Polar Bears, who don't swim very well anyways, will be returned to the sea as a new food source for what some are currently calling our "starving oceans".

However, as good an idea as this is, what makes it an idea that Wall Street would love is the instant economic gratification it will provide to investors. The seafaring Polar Ice cap is available right now! Investor start up costs would be minimal and infrastructure is already in place so research costs won't be necessary. An investment opportunity that can harvest an existing resource for maximum profits without spending a dollar on research and engineering, why it's the perfect Wall Street Investment! As all News programs remind us every day, hour upon hour, if it's good for Wall Street, than it HAS to be good for you!

But what about after the Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour melts away, then what?

There is hope. Alaska has some of the biggest oil reserves in the world. Quite possibly even as the first Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour is bringing happiness and economic prosperity to coastal cities around the globe a new polar ice cap could be created right where the old one used to dock. Sure it may take vast amounts of ice machines working around the clock to make enough ice for a second Polar Ice Cap, but that just means even more jobs and economic prosperity for the indigenous people living at the poles.

But how could a new Polar Ice Cap be made so quickly?

The answer my friend, is underneath the ground. Clearly, God put oil underneath the Polar Ice Caps so we could use the petroleum to power ice making machines. Rather than wasting fuel to power oil tankers that transport Arctic oil to other parts of the world, the oil can stay right where it is as fuel for all of the ice making machines required to generate new Polar Ice Caps! Reduced shipments of oil via oil tankers means less oil tanker accidents, another environmental benefit that can be added to this remarkable idea.

If Global Warming eventually becomes a far off possibility in the way too distant future, perhaps taking action now has it's advantages. The Polar Ice Cap Victory Tour will simply grow in popularity as the earth warms up even more. I don't know about you, but when it's a 120 degrees out, I think I know where I'll want to be, galvanting on the my favorite floating and very cool amusement park! Just another plus to this innovative idea that surely makes it a Wall Street Stock Market dream investment.

The Polar Ice Cap that recently broke away from the Artic and is currently floating along the oceans of the world is the little Polar Ice Cap that could, the one that thought it could break away, and now it has. This Brave Polar Ice Cap has sent out a Global polar flare and now it's time for us to take this Ice Cap's warning message and change it to one of good times and cheer, afterall, that is what our media and Wall Street does best. Hooray!

Alessandro Machi